Before I started this Blog (in honor of Pregnancy Awareness Month), I reached out to all of my mommy and mommy-to-be friends to find out what they would be interested in reading, learning, and talking about. I have a great list of topics to share with all of you throughout the month, many of which I thought I would have addressed by now. What I’ve realized, as a new mom, is how little time I actually have in the day to get done everything I need to get done (let alone want to get done), so my apologies for not getting new blogs out as often as I hoped. Props to all you daily Mommy Bloggers out there!
One of the most interesting topics that was thrown my way is regarding the new feelings that a second-time mommy experiences. Unfortunately, I can’t address this topic since I’m only on number one. My sister-in-law, however, was gracious enough to share her thoughts. I’m sure there are many of you out there experiencing similar emotions, as well as many of you who are already second (and third, and fourth, etc.) mommies. Please feel free to comment and share stories, thoughts, and advice with one another. My favorite thing about being a new mom is the immediate mommy community I now have! So here’s to mommies-to-be, new mommies, and mommies of many!
Many thanks to second time mommy-to-be Wendy Williams (and her son Charlie) for her contribution:
When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I went to the bookstore to get a book on adding a second baby to the family. There are hundreds of different books on raising a child, but nothing on the shelves specifically about the second time around. I went home and looked on Amazon. There were one or two books out of print and maybe one or two ancient books that were less than inspiring.
Why was this not an issue? Wasn’t this more impactful than a first pregnancy since it directly affects your first born and changes the family dynamic you’ve just recently created? I even reached out to a publisher I had befriended earlier in the year on a different topic as to why a book like this wasn’t in the market. Her business partner was actually pregnant with her second child too and neither of them could figure it out. Guess we’re just meant to wing it.
So, was I crazy to have this trepidation of having a second baby? While there is so much excitement and I know it's good for Charlie, my two year old son, and our family to grow, there is a LOT of fear and anxiety and, most of all; guilt related the changes we are about to experience.
The guilt is mainly just not being able to focus all my attention on Charlie anymore. Experts will tell you that little ones shouldn't have that much intense oversight anyway and a sibling is really good for them. It's just a big change for us and, especially as a stay at home mom, there is a lot of "just the two of us" every day and that's our routine and current relationship structure. You naturally worry more about the one you’ve known so well for the last two years than the one you’ve yet to meet.
Keep in mind that this little girl we are expecting in six short weeks ironically has no crib, no bedroom, no real preparation and I don’t really seem to feel bad about that. With our current home on the market, we are living in a state of limbo and she will be along for the ride. We will definitely take advantage of the first few months when it will be so much easier to take her along to all of Charlie’s activities. I know a lot of people who would say it’s just the life of a second child, and now I know they’re right. This is a completely different scenario from all of the preparation we had done for Charlie’s birth. As a parent, you know what you need to do and don’t need to do the second time around to keep a child happy and healthy.
I know full well that this will be a wonderful addition for all of us, but as you're lying awake at night unable to sleep in your last trimester, you need to find something to obsess about! We have no control over any of it, but we can still obsess about keeping the ones we love happy. That's what makes us moms! But a few months from now, I won’t be able to imagine our lives without this little girl, who will no doubt shake things up for the better. For now, Charlie and I are spending our days having as much fun as possible; just the two of us.